New Me…Where Are You?

disappointment marriage relationships goals

Today was supposed to be the start of the change of our new “us”.  You know…the goals that we decided we wanted to try and achieve this year?

Yes we made it to the gym and I was happily moving along when after 30 minutes you were ready to leave.  It was like you were in a bad mood and wanted nothing to do with working out whatever it was that was frustrating you.

So now that feeling is returning.

The one where I think that there is someone else.  I think that someone else has started to realize that you aren’t really in a situation where you can just up and leave your family.  Or maybe it has dawned on her all the baggage that comes for the ride along with you.  Either way, the fact that I catch you on your phone almost CONSTANTLY and your disconnected attitude has my antennas going.

I don’t need you to get healthy.  I am doing this solely for myself because I want to feel better and look better.  I want to be happier most days rather than sad and depressed which is exactly what you looked like today.

You were no fun to be around and I am actually happy that you are returning to work tomorrow.

It’s like we take one step forward and then 3 steps back.

You even refuse to help me with any of the planning of our son’s birthday party because you feel that he doesn’t need one.  Everyone deserves at least one in their lifetime.

Just because you never had one….don’t you want different for your kids than what you had or didn’t have?  That’s one thing I will never understand about you.  Your lack of compassion at being a father…and a husband for that matter.  You think that because you are present at being a father unlike your absentee sperm donor, and because you don’t beat the shit out of our kids like your step father did you, that somehow you are being a great father.

Yet when I see you sit around and never interact with your children on a regular basis, it upsets me.  It makes me wonder if I chose the right person to father my kids.

Yes you have a great work ethic and you support this family.  But if you don’t spend time and recognize your kids now…someday it will be too late.

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