This week has been rocky. I won’t be afraid to admit that but do I dare say something to you to shift the already rocky waters?
Truth is with your work schedule this week it hasn’t left a lot of time for us to even see one another which right now for me is a good thing.
My heart aches more when I see you.
I don’t know if I dare tell you the thoughts that have been racing through my head for the past several days.
Thoughts of my depression and anxiety that are only getting worse.
I haven’t had any ambition for anything for what seems to be days now. And the gloomy cold weather isn’t helping either.
Do I dare tell you that I am so damn tired of the same damn routine day after day…week after week. I feel like that movie “Groundhog Day”.
I just need a break.
A break in the monotony of my life.
Do I dare admit to anyone that there are some days I think that getting married and having children wasn’t a good idea? What would they think of me? What would my children think when they became old enough to understand that their mother felt like she was trapped in her own life. That she sacrificed her own happiness to ensure theirs.
I don’t want them to feel that guilt.
Most days I love being a mother…I just don’t like being a wife so much. And somehow I am letting the unhappiness of this marriage seep into what should be the happiest time of motherhood. When they are young and still think I hang the moon. Someday…that will be no longer.
Do I dare do something to change that?