It’s Been Awhile

addiction alcohol drunk self medicating

addiction alcohol drunk self medicating

It’s been awhile since my last post.

I started this blog anonymously so that I could write freely about the things I was passionate about without it being read by anyone I knew.

I like being able to do that.

I think that some of my best pieces of writing have been written here.  True and honest pieces of work.  No sugar-coating or trying to hide behind a curtain in fear that someone will judge me.

The real me.

The most truthful being, that of my marriage, and the fact that I know I am somewhat on the verge of losing my mind and self medicating when I feel necessary.   As I sit here writing this piece I have a glass of vodka with a splash of soda sitting next to me.  And when I say splash…I literally mean a tiny drop.  I think the splash is more to make myself believe that I am not just drinking straight vodka.

I have also just taken my nightly dose of sleeping enhancements.  Although lately I haven’t been dipping too much into the Ambien for the other two nightly drugs I take seem to do the trick for me and sleeping through the night.  Not to mention drinking and taking Ambien don’t mix well.  I completely black out and have had someone actually record video of me doing things that I was absolutely clueless of when watching the next day.

Quite honestly there are some nights that I would really prefer to see just how drunk I can get before passing out.  My favorite feeling is falling asleep shit faced.  I just don’t like the morning sun too much or the day to follow trying to keep up with my life as a housewife.

I know when that time has come.  The time to go to bed because if I try to stay awake I will end up passed out in the bushes of the backyard somewhere.

My high school years were full of stupid drunken moments not knowing where I was when I woke up.  This actually continued well into my 20’s and early 30’s.

But this is me.  It’s who I am.  And I have come to the realization that this part of me is going to be the demon that sticks with me until the end.  Drinking is the one vice I can’t let go of.  Nor do I really want to.

I’d like to say I am a “responsible” drunk now.  Usually drinking at home and knowing that I have nowhere to go or no one’s taxi to be.

I’m almost out of vodka…dreadful.

Housewife Chronicles Signature

Linking with:

 

Domesticated Momster